There are few things harder than heartbreak, but nothing is more confusing than learning how to get over someone you’ve never dated. At least at the end of a relationship, you have a clear understanding of what went wrong and some kind of closure. But living with the what-ifs and maybes can be torture.
You can find yourself in this situation for all manner of reasons. For example, it could be a work crush, a rejection, you’ve fallen in love with your friend or they’re in a relationship with someone else. Whatever the reason, in this blog, I am going to give you some tips on how to get over someone you never had.
Why Are You Doing This to Yourself?
Let’s face it, unrequited feelings make you feel awful. You obsess over them, checking their social media, wasting hours of your life fantasizing about what life would be like with them if you could just be together. It’s not healthy and it’s stopping you from being happy. It may be time for a much-needed wake-up call, you’re not going to get together, so it’s time to move on.
Know That Your Heartbreak is Valid
This is so important, because you may feel embarrassed to be heartbroken over something that never was. But, you have to know that your feelings are real and your feelings are valid. In fact, learning how to get over a guy or girl you never dated is comparable to the heartache of a break-up. In fact, in some cases, it’s worse because you haven’t had the closure you need to move on.
Does This Happen to You Often?
Now is the time to start analysing why this keeps happening to you. If you keep finding yourself in this situation, there may be a reason why. Let’s do some self-reflection, ask yourself the following questions:
- Are you afraid of rejection?
- Do you think you’re worthy of love?
- Are you putting yourself out there?
- Is dating too overwhelming?
If you’ve answered “yes” to any of these questions, you need to get to the route of the issue. Take some time to work on yourself. You may even want to seek the help of a professional, to help you on this journey.
Dealing With Rejection
Rejection is a part of life and something we all have to deal with. You should feel brave, for being strong enough to put your feelings out there. It’s easy to feel embarrassed, and even think that there’s something wrong with you, but you have to know that it’s not you. There are so many reasons why someone may reject you, they may not be emotionally available, they may be interested in someone else or they may just not see you in that way. It’s important not to take rejection too personally.
Give Yourself Time to Get Over It
A tough question to answer is ‘how long does it take to get over someone?’ Well, I’m sorry but there is no right answer here. You just need to take all the time you need to heal. This can be anything from a few weeks to even longer. Take your time, and take it day by day.
How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated: The Steps You Need to Take
Ok, so now that we’ve identified why you’re in this situation it’s time to learn the steps to get over it. Whether you’re getting over a crush or learning how to get over someone you loved, we’ve put together some tips to mending your broken heart.
The first step when discovering how to get over someone you never dated, is coming to terms with it. It’s easy to keep living in a fantasy world where you fool yourself into thinking, it might happen one day. But you need to be realistic and accept that it isn’t going to happen. This is for your own sanity.
Put Yourself First
Everyone deserves to be happy. You deserve to be happy. Now is the time to focus on your well-being. You could take up yoga or mediation, start writing lists of things you’re grateful for, start a journal, treat yourself to something you’ve wanted for a while, do anything that clears your mind.
Think about what you want
Are there certain things that drew you to this person? Make a mental note of what those qualities are, for future partners. Do you want to focus on yourself right now? Maybe what you want, or need, is to be single and be by yourself for a while.
Think about your options
As the saying goes “there’s plenty of fish in the sea.” As annoying as it is, it’s true! Just because this person isn’t interested, it doesn’t mean that the other fishes aren’t.
Phase them out of your life
One of the questions I get asked a lot is: ‘how to get over a girl you’ve never dated’ or ‘how to get over a guy you’ve never dated. And my answer is the same every time, Phase them out of your life! Why torture yourself by being around them all the time? To get closure and to move on, you can’t be around them anymore.
This is easier said than done, especially when you are learning how to get over someone you see every day. If you are in the same friendship group or if you work together, it can still be done. I would advise you to stop going to the same events as them, don’t go out of your way to make sure you’re in the same room, and limit your conversations. You could even try the no-contact rule to help you move on.
Stop checking their socials, or going to events because you know they’re there
Delete, delete, delete! This is so important because you can be triggered so easily. They watched your Insta story or they messaged you the other day, this can keep you on a mental string. Remove all these triggers immediately, and delete them. This is especially important when getting over someone you love.
Are you romantising them?
It’s hard to know how to get over someone you’ve never dated when you can’t stop obsessing over what might have been. But, ask yourself: are they really all that? Are you only focusing on their positive traits? Put this into action and make a list of everything you like about them vs. everything you don’t.
There is no real rush, but you’ve heard the saying ‘the only way to get over someone is to get under someone else.’ Maybe what you need is someone to steal your focus for a while? Even if it’s just a few flirty exchanges over messaging or a fling. You never know, it might turn into something more special.
The main takeaway from this is to know that you’re feelings are completely valid and you are allowed to be upset, to cry, and be heartbroken. Take all the time you need and make sure you take the steps to work on yourself and cut this person out of your life for good.
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